By: Carina Belles
With the re-release of “Titanic” sending audiences into renewed grief spirals or hysterical giggle fits, it’s hard not to wonder why this movie of all movies would be remastered in 3D.
Sure, icebergs are awesome. Celine Dion ballads are awesome. Kate and Leo making out is definitely awesome, but none of that is really all that enhanced by the magic of 3D technology. Like, do we really need to see the hilarity of Billy Zane’s guyliner that close up?
Okay, maybe we do. But there are more than a few films that are a bit more deserving of a 3D revamp.
Take “Blade Runner,” for example. Flying cop cars and innumerable explosions beat sinking ships any day of the week, especially when set in a glittering (but terrifying) futuristic Los Angeles. Ridley Scott’s visual feast is basically the ultimate candidate for a 3D do-over. In fact, it’s surprising it hasn’t already been done. Summer 2013, anyone?
We can’t let Harrison Ford hog all the 3D glory without showing some love for the badass women of action films. That’s where Uma Thurman comes in. “Kill Bill” (both volumes, obviously) is another perfect candidate for the 3D treatment. Really, it would only add to the first film’s brilliant homage to campy kung-fu, and who doesn’t want to see a 3D western where Daryl Hannah gets both of her eyeballs plucked out? Perfection. Let’s be honest, Quentin Tarantino is probably already considering it for Volume 3.
The potential awesomeness continues with a 3D version of “Independence Day.” Yeah, the aliens would be even crazier looking, and watching beloved landmarks explode would be even more horrifying, but what we really need is a 3D Bill Pullman. There is really nothing better than getting up close and personal with President Thomas J. Whitmore and his flawless speeches. Also, Will Smith. On that note, better make a 3D version of “Men In Black,” too.
Since the world is always in need more more Jeff Goldblum, “Jurassic Park” would make another excellent addition to the 3D canon. Does it really even need to be said why? Dinosaurs. Jeff Goldblum. All of them struggling to survive in the ultimate battle of man vs. wild. It would truly be a sight to behold.
While there are plenty of other great action and adventure movies worthy of 3D, there are a few dark horse candidates that could give them a run for their money in the fight for most epic 3D movie.
“Pan’s Labyrinth” is a beautiful film that blends fairy tale fantasy and the brutal reality of war in a highly visual way. Some people would probably complain that a 3D version would compromise the film’s integrity, but let’s be honest, they’re probably just too scared of the thought of the Pale Man creeping out of the screen.
For horrors that are more on the kid-friendly side, how about a 3D “Jumanji?” It’s got fun for the whole family, everything from giant disease-ridden mosquitoes, psychotic monkeys, hungry lions, monsoons, a deranged man-hunter… Oh yeah, why is this a kids’ movie again? Despite the fact that it still causes nightmares among young and old, it would make for one epic night out at the movie theater.
Not every 3D movie has to be terrifying, though. “The Little Mermaid” is supposedly Disney’s next 3D re-release, but “Aladdin” better not be far behind. Disney pretty much has the realm of gorgeous animation on lock, so the huge numbers they rake in at the box office for their 3D films are really no surprise. Magic carpet ride, indeed.
Finally, “The Sound of Music” absolutely must be remade in 3D. Okay, maybe to some people that sounds about as dumb as the “Titanic” re-release, but actually think about it for a second. The gorgeous Austrian hills, the Alps, Christopher Plummer as Captain Von Trapp. Throw in some remastered music and that is some serious box office gold.
What films would you like to see remade in 3D? Or are you entirely opposed to the whole thing? Leave us a comment (or tweet!) and let us know, especially if you’re also in love with Captain Von Trapp. —