Athens Under Attack! : The Wonders of Wal-mart

It’s happened! The zombie invasion has begun. So what do you do first? Go super-zombie killer on their living dead assesses and kill them again? Run away screaming and hide somewhere? No, of course not. At least not if you plan on surviving, which for the sake of this argument, you do.

Now that it’s been decided that you want to survive and not get eaten by zombies, what is the first thing you should do? Glad you asked. The first thing to do is find and stock up on supplies, this way you will be able to eat, drink, and do whatever while later on fighting off zombies and whatever else you decide to do.  When stocking up on supplies, you have to be smart about what you stock pile and what you don’t. Useless things that will waste your energy or other supplies or that will spoil within a few days should be used up as fast as possible.

When the invasion starts, first make sure to use up all the food you have that will spoil. Canned or dried foods that either have a long shelf life or almost never go bad should be left alone for now. It would not be advisable to use up all of your food and then go and try to find more.

Alright, so you now know not to use up food that will last a long time and to eat things that will go bad first. Now you are thinking to yourself, okay so how do I get more food? And whatever else you will eventually need? I have one word for you, Wal-mart. That’s right, Wal-mart! The college student’s friend in a normal time, and your best friend when preparing for the invasion!

Zombie invasion haven. Picture by

So first things first, depending on when you are doing this supply shopping. If the Wal-mart is still open and you are just working on your stock pile before everything goes crazy, then focus on buying canned goods, bottles of water, cereals and grains that are on sale, things that are on sale are always good.If the time has come though that Wal-mart, and other stores, have now closed because of the zombies, it is time to raid Wal-mart. Stealing is of course a very bad thing and is in no way being promoted here, but raiding is different in times of zombie invasion. Now that we are going to raid the store, you can’t just go in all willy-nilly and just grab whatever you see. Then you might end up with a bunch of useless crap and that won’t help you survive. So don’t do that. First, make your shopping list, or in this case, your raiding list.

1. bottled water

2. canned goods/dry food goods

3. blankets/clothing

4. matches/lighters

5. candles

6. lighter fluid

7. sleeping bags

8. weaponry

9. medicines/first aid items

10. toiletries

11. batteries

Obviously your list doesn’t have to contain these exact items, you can add or subtract at your own discretion. This is just a general list of things that would be good to have in supply and are things you should be looking for while raiding Wal-mart, or really any other store but Wal-mart will for sure have these items.

Once you have your list, you are ready to go raiding. Get a cart, or two, these will obviously make collecting your items a lot easier and if needed, take them with you, you never know when you could use them again. If going in with one or more other people, make sure you all have a copy of the list so you know what you are looking for and then assign specific items for people to focus on. This will make things easier in the long run.

Expect crowds like this when raiding to prepare for an invasion. Picture by

If you are going in alone, start with the left side of the store. This is where you will find can goods and dry foods. Then work your way right. Bottled water. Clothing. Medicine. Matches and batteries. Candles. Check the camping section for sleeping bags or other useful things you might need, such as a tent. Fishing poles could be useful, and if there are any crossbows in the hunting section, or other weapon, grab them and ammo. Make sure you can use these things before going out zombie hunting of course. Then grab toiletries, such as soaps, shampoos, things of that nature. It might seem silly but being clean is important.

Make sure to avoid items like sodas and things that are not really going to do you any good. Video games and DVDs and other things might be tempting but leave those as well, you won’t be needing them and aren’t important to have in terms of survival. Also, avoid frozen foods unless you have a deep freeze that will last a long time, meats and fresh fruits and vegetables should also be avoided. Along with breads because these things will go bad in a short amount of time. You want to make sure you get things that will last you a long time and you want to get them the first time you go raiding. Just incase someone beats you back and takes things you might have needed if you ignored them the first time.

Raiding can be done multiple times, obviously. There is no exact way to do it, but by having an idea of what you are looking for, it can be a lot easier. So remember to grab what is useful and will last. Ignore things that are just luxuries! Also, do not share your raiding areas or tips with other people unless you live with them. Helping a stranger raid a store won’t help you. If they get turned into a zombie later on down the road, they won’t decide to not eat you because you helped them out. But when the invasion comes, just remember Wal-mart  for all your zombie invasion needs.


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