Provided you haven’t hidden under a rock for the past day or been busy protecting yourself from a massive hurricane (respect), you’ve most likely already heard the news about Disney buying up Lucasfilm Ltd.
For fans of “Star Wars,” this news is greeted with equal parts horror and delight, leaning more toward one extreme depending on what they think of both companies’ track records. On one hand, this could be a new beginning for a well-loved franchise — on the other, it could be a mismanaged pathway straight to the hellish pit of movie mediocrity.
The world is going to get new “Star Wars” films, whether it wants them or not, according to Disney’s official press release:
“Ms. Kennedy (newly appointed president of Lucasfilm)will serve as executive producer on new ‘Star Wars’ feature films, with George Lucas serving as creative consultant. ‘Star Wars Episode 7’ is targeted for release in 2015, with more feature films expected to continue the ‘Star Wars’ saga and grow the franchise well into the future.”
What this purchase could mean for the worlds of George Lucas’ creation is yet to be seen. However, we at Speakeasy are never beyond playful speculation about the future of beloved childhood media. Here are some possibilities now that the empires of Mickey Mouse and Luke Skywalker have finally collided.
One: Everything is terrible
Disney makes “The Tales of Jar-Jar Binks,” a 3-hour film detailing his complete backstory. Also on the budget as far as things that could go wrong:
(1) A bad revamp of “E.T.,” starring Shia LaBeouf as Elliott.
(2) New serialized Indiana Jones movies continuing with the usage of Shia LaBeouf.
But seriously, what is most possible (and worries many fans) is that the “Star Wars” franchise will follow the exact same path of the three latest “Star Wars” films – which were as entertaining as they were overproduced.
Disney has made enough gold that we can most likely safely trust them – though, once again, Disney could very easily look at the financial success of the past few “Star Wars” and take them down the same path.
Overall likelihood of any of this actually occurring? 4 out of 10 panicky Jar Jars.*—
Two: Everything is awesome
After mulling over the news for a few hours in our secret angry dome, we’ve come to the conclusion that most likely, bad things will not come out of this deal. For the fans who hated the most recent film offerings from Lucasfilm(the last three “Star Wars” films and that damn “Crystal Skull” crap fest), this is an opportunity for a fresh start.
Considering Disney’s stellar track record, there’s no actual reason for fans to worry about Disney making a bad product. Especially with the huge pool of talent that they acquired after buying up Pixar and Marvel. Not only that, but there is an absolutely incredible wealth of source material in the “Star Wars” universe — from books to games to cartoons to comic books. (Don’t believe me? Just check the Wookieepedia.)
If Disney treats the Lucasfilm intellectual property with the respect, commitment and creativity that befits such monolithic childhood favorite franchises, the results should be fantastic
Overall likelihood of this actually occurring? 8 out of 10 happy Darth Vader birthday cakes.*
Three: Crazy collaboration projects
Fans of video games know about the “Kingdom Hearts” series. For those who don’t know, it’s basically a game that combines the universe of the “Final Fantasy” video game with the universe of Disney – and it’s pretty damn good.
With the worlds of Pixar, Marvel and Lucasfilm now combining, we can only hope that even more insane collaboration products start appearing. Sith lord Mickey Mouse force choking a life-size Buzz Lightyear as Thor rides in on the back of an X-Wing to save him?
That’d be choice as hell.
Overall likelihood of any of this actually occurring? 2 out of 10 Goofys as Princess Leia.* It’s safe to assume that much of this isn’t going to happen without the proper management. Who knows, though?
And last but not least, Speakeasy’s wild card bet of 2012:
Four: JOSS WHEDON HELPS WRITE THE LATEST STAR WARS FILM
Okay, so we admit this is definitely a longshot, but you know who has a contract with Marvel to work on film projects until 2015? Joss Whedon. You know when the next “Star Wars” film is supposedly coming out? 2015. You know who owns both Marvel and Lucasfilm, the company that makes “Star Wars?” Disney.
We’re just sayin’. Get to work, Whedon. We need more of you in our lives.
Overall likelihood of this actually occurring: oh god we hope so out of 10.**
So that’s our analysis of the whole situation for now. All we and the rest of the “Star Wars” and “Indiana Jones” fanbase can do is cross our fingers and hope upon hope that the new movies aren’t Bantha fodder. Also, crystal skulls better stay as far away from our beloved Harrison Ford as possible.
*Not an actual rating scale, duh.
**An actual rating scale.
What do you think? Does Disney’s latest buy-up herald a new beginning for everybody’s favorite sci-fi franchise, or is it rather the beginning of the end? Let us know on Twitter , Facebook or below in the comment section!