Athens Under Attack!: This One Time, At Band Camp, We Started a Zombie Invasion…

Raise your hand if you know how a zombie invasion can start, i.e., the start of the zombie disease, for lack of better word. Okay, now put your hands down. Why? Because there are numerous ways a zombie plague can be started.

So you think a zombie invasion has begun in your otherwise sleepy little college town? Now how on earth did this happen then? Well, let’s take a moment and figure it out. This is definitely an issue because zombies are a nasty pest to try and get rid of.

Take a look at the zombies that are roaming your town. Do you recognize them as people you know? Classmates, favorite bar tender, professor who’s class you typically skip in order to sleep in, maybe a roommate you would love to conveniently lock out one day? If no, these zombies are not people that you recognize, you need to go and check your closest graveyard. If dead people are coming out of the ground, then you have one of two things probably happening.

First, think back for a second. Have you or a friend happen to come across some sort of creepy old lady who may or may not have looked like a witch? Or just smelled sort of like smelly feet and brussell sprouts? Yeah, probably a witch. When she asked you for some sort of favor and you refused to do it because she was a smelly, creepy old lady you didn’t win any friends, am I right? She cursed you with a zombie plague. That’ll teach you for being a jerk.

She’s after you. Picture by

You haven’t ticked off any witches lately? Okay, while hiking or possibly digging a hole to bury your old homework because you’re kind of on the weird side, and you came across some artifact. Maybe a skull, an old necklace made of animal bones, or what have you, and you took it home with you because it was cool and kind of a little edgy. I don’t know, you’re sort of strange, aren’t you? Well, because you brought that old thing you found home with you for whatever reason, I’m trying not to judge, but you know, it’s kind of weird, well because of that, you have removed some sort of item that was very important to whoever that item used to belong to. Once again, you’ve brought a curse upon yourself and the town. So not only are you a thief, you are also a jerk for screwing your fellow students over.

But if you recognize the zombies stalking around campus then you have a few different options of what might have happened to cause this. It’s possible that the grocery store received an order of tainted beer right before the weekend. That tainted beer contained some sort of toxin that has now mutated your fellow beer drinking college students into brain dead zombies.

Maybe it wasn’t your beloved beer though. Because really, drunk college kids kind of already look like zombies when they stumble home so it’s easy to be mistaken about that. A more reasonable theory, it’s the end of the world because an ancient civilization said so. Definitely a much more believable reason, I’m sure.

If you don’t buy any of that though, it’s possible that the beef being served in the dining halls is coming from a creepy little farm out in the middle of no where run by a crazy farmer who feeds his cattle all sorts of crazy things. They were infected with the zombie virus, and then killed and made into your tacos and hamburgers and you ate them in the dining hall and caught the zombie virus. That is totally a reason to be a vegetarian if I ever heard one.

Photo by

Unless, now stay with me here, you live in a comic book world and everyone is actually already infected and just come back from the dead after they die, even if they aren’t bitten and it’s just happened and you don’t even know why. Or maybe that’s just “The Walking Dead.” Obviously, you don’t live in a comic book, even though that would be really cool.

Beware all graveyards. Photo by


So maybe it isn’t your fault that the invasion started. It could be but maybe it isn’t. Maybe. And maybe the invasion is started because of some other reason not listed here, it’s possible. Zombies are sort of unpredictable in that manner.

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