SpeakeasyENT: Our Dream Sitcom Sequels

Photo from Fan Pop.

Guys, we got the best news ever this week. And no, it had nothing to do with the election.

Are you ready? Can you handle it? “Boy Meets World” is coming back. Only this time it’s called “Girl Meets World” and it’s about Cory and Topanga’s 13-year-old daughter, Riley, her “Shawn-esque” best friend Maya and her older brother Elliot. Also, Cory is a teacher at Riley’s school. Looks like somebody still misses Mr. Feeny (All of us. All of us miss Mr. Feeny).

Inspired by this wonderful news, the ENT staff complied a list of our favorite TV shows that deserved a sequel, like, yesterday.

“Freaks and Geeks” | Carina Belles

Okay, I’ll readily admit to being that irritating hipster who thinks that one random Judd Apatow show that got cancelled after one season was the best thing on television. Because “Freaks and Geeks” was and always will be absolute perfection. I mean, it was the first time Apatow, James Franco, Jason Segel and Seth Rogen all worked together. That is some historical stuff right there.

Great show, or greatest show? (Greatest show. The answer is greatest show). Photo from Fan Pop.

And its departure after just 18 episodes (three of which didn’t even air, rude) left so many unanswered questions! How did Lindsay survive the whole summer with those smelly Deadheads? Did Nick abandon his friends for a career in disco? That hot cheerleader totally kept making out with Bill, right? Is Millie still a secret Christian French kissing fiend? Did Daniel join the geeks permanently after that Dungeons and Dragons game? Is he still devastatingly handsome? (Okay, we know the answer to that one. Yes. Definitely yes).

Really, I just want to know how the gang’s adjusting to modern life. As typical high school nerds, Sam, Neal and Bill are probably wildly successful software engineers or director/producer/screenwriters. With super hot wives. (Here’s hoping Neal finally scored with Lindsay). As for the freaks, they probably didn’t fare so well. Maybe they spent a few extra years in high school. Maybe they made it to college but got kicked out after one too many drug violations. Who can say? Thankfully, we do have a plethora of Apatow movies to address this, because I can totally see “The Pineapple Express” as Daniel and Ken’s actual future and “I Love You, Man” as Nick’s.

Listen, I just want my show back. Don’t even try to tell me I should settle for “Undeclared.” I want a real successor, not just a spiritual one.

“Hey Arnold” | Jayme Pollock 

If there’s one gang that needs to get back together, it’s this one. Photo from Nickelodeon.

It’s no secret that Nickelodeon dominated young adult television in the 90s. “Hey Arnold” was a staple on the Nickelodeon line-up during this time… at least until the series finale.

In this emotional tale, the titular Arnold discovers his father’s diary and learns more about the parents that left him when he was just a baby. At the back of the book, Arnold finds a map to the area his parents were last seen traveling in. According to word of God (a.k.a. series creator Craig Bartlett) there WAS supposed to be a movie chronicling Arnold’s search for his parents, along with the rest of his colorful classmates. “The Jungle Movie” has gained much attention over the internet with many fans still demanding to see the outcome.

Bartlett also planned a spin-off show, focusing more on Helga G. Pataki, Arnold’s nemesis/friend/creepstalkerloveinterest. The spin-off was rumored to be for older audiences, with intentions to air on MTV. The deal eventually fell flat once “Hey Arnold: The Movie” flopped in theaters (nice job, guys), but to Bartlett’s credit, he had very little influence on the film, which had been pushed by Nick executives.

I’m still curious to see whether or not Arnold’s parents were still alive, and I think a teenage version of the show could be quite popular. It proved to be successful for “Rugrats: All-Growed Up” (well, the TV special — not the series) so why not give it a try for “Hey Arnold?” If not, then that really bites.

“Firefly” | Ross Dickerhoof 

This show drew a shorter straw than “Freaks and Geeks,” when it originally aired and that’s saying something. Bring the big damn heroes back! Photo from IGN.

Oh, Joss Whedon. Why was your second masterpiece (yes, I worship at the “Buffy” altar) taken before its time?

I’ll tell you: because TV execs are morons, morons I say! This space Western didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of making it to season two due to numerous issues (episodes airing out of order, misleading marketing, low ratings, etc.) despite it being THE BEST THING EVER OH MY GOD.

True, a lot of unanswered questions were covered in “Serenity,” but the series still has plenty of life and possibilities in it. How is River adjusting to life on the ship now that the crew doesn’t treat her like a time bomb? Will the Alliance finally fall, now that it’s been dealt a serious blow? How cute a couple did Kaylee and Simon end up being? Perhaps we’ll never know, but we can still dream… and in my dream, the revival gets two more seasons AND another movie. Time’s wastin’, Whedon. Get cracking.

“Scooby Doo” | Nikki Lanka 

It’s been years since the gang last boarded the Mystery Machine to unmask bad guys, and everyone has gone their separate ways. Fred graduated from Miami and went on to become a cop, before getting hitched to Daphne, who found “ditzy hot chicks can do anything” inspiration through Elle Woods and went to law school. They have an 11 month-old child. Velma is married and researches AIDS in South Africa, where she works at an orphanage and still loses her glasses every other second. Shaggy just got out of prison on charges of DUI and possession with intent to sell. And Scooby, who is now 43 years old after the series premiere in 1969, is in a nursing home for talking pets.

We have some… interesting plans for the Scooby Gang’s future. Zoinks. Photo from Warner Brothers.

In the opening scenes, everyone is meeting up at the nursing home. It’s clear that 1. It’s been a while since the gang has been together and 2. There’s some tension. Fred is an alcoholic who takes out his anger at home, driving Daphne into the arms of another man… Shaggy. Freddy knows this, which was the driving force behind Shaggy’s arrest. Velma is mad at Daphne because she works with kids, and Daphne is an abysmal mother. And Shaggy is mad at Velma because they used to light up all the time together, but only Shaggy ended up getting caught.

Clearly, everything has fallen apart since the decline of Scooby’s health, much to the old dog’s distress. Not even Scooby snacks can raise his spirits.

But then patients of the nursing home begin mysteriously dying one by one. And when the whole building becomes quarantined because the health department fears some sort of outbreak, the gang has to throw back to their Mystery Machine days to get their questions answered. Why is someone murdering talking pets? Is it a disease? Will Scooby be next? What if the murderer is one of the gang?

Set to an ill-timed laugh track and a playlist of tunes that sound exactly like the Beatles (but aren’t), the gang investigates the murders, all while facing the biggest monsters of all: their deteriorating relationships, Scooby’s mortality and their own personal failures. It takes the tragedy of such events to reunite the old friends, and remind them that they still really are just a bunch of meddling kids.

“Sabrina, the Teenage Witch” | Holly Coletta

Before I wanted to be a journalist (or Mrs. JJ Abrams) when I grew up, I wanted to be Sabrina Spellman. I’m not talking about the weird college-age Sabrina, with stupid Josh and her annoying roommates and not enough of Aunt Zelda and Aunt Hilda. No. I wanted to be Harvey-era Sabs, complete with baby blue crop tops, dorky hair clips, zany BFF Val and battle of the band-themed episodes.

The ultimate tale of friendship: a girl with magic powers and her robotic puppet cat. But in all seriousness, Salem was the best. More, please. Photo from Entertainment Weekly.

If “Sabrina, The Teenage Witch” was real life (which it should be), I’d just point my finger and zap a sequel into existence. Sabrina would be happily married to Harvey (because screw you, random-love-interest-guy-named-Aaron, for trying to ruin happily ever after) and would have some sort of cool job but also lots of time for witchy adventures and baby-making, which would provide the protagonist of the sequel show.

A boy wizard protag is still treading too much in “Harry Potter” territory, so let’s say it’d be better for Sabrina to have a daughter. Said daughter inherits mom’s magic skillz and has her own set of real-world and Other Realm probs, which would cause her to enlist the help of quirky aunts Zelda and Hilda (who seriously got the shaft in the last couple of seasons).

Most importantly, “Sabrina’s Daughter, the Teenage Witch” would provide reason to bring back Sabrina’s trusty feline sidekick Salem, who was obvs the best part of the show even when he was in semi-creepy RoboCat form.

Disney already knows that the wizard thing works (see: “Wizards of Waverly Place” and “Emmy awards”), as does a spunky teen girl protagonist with magic skills (see: “Selena Gomez” and “perfect human”). Melissa Joan Hart and the rest of the world would be saved from another season of “Melissa & Joey.” A Sabrina sequel is really a win-win, here, Mouse House.

Plus, the world needs to be constantly reminded of the Important Things in Life, such as the special relationship between a sarcastic (witch) girl and her (talking) cat.

What shows do YOU want to see resurrected in sequel form? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!

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