Speaksleazy: Sloppy seconds, ‘slutty’ abroad and sexy roommates

We’re ba-ack! We hope you missed us as much as we missed you asking us about penises.

Hey dudes, thanks for checking in for the sixth edition of Speaksleazy, the column for nothing’s-off-limits questions about relationships, sex and other weird junk.

We apologize for being on hiatus for a few weeks — semesters suck and Conor got mono after making out with too many hot babes and Nikki sprained her foot while mopping her bathroom because she has the coordination of an alcoholic newborn fawn. But fret not, for we have returned to answer all your pressing matters.

CM = resident sick boy Conor Morris, and NL = resident gimp Nikki Lanka

Lezzzzgo.

One reader asked, “Dear Sleazems, is it okay to date someone if your best friend or even an acquaintance of yours has dated them before?”

CM: ABSOLUTELY NOT. TO THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL WITH YOU BREED-SHARING FOLK.

But really, I have absolutely no problem with it, and anyone who actually has a problem with it is probably not entirely emotionally mature or not entirely over the past relationship. People change. Times change. Unless the person you want to date treated your best friend/acquaintance awfully, then don’t worry about it.

NL: If they liked it they shoulda put a ring on it, man. Especially don’t worry if it’s just an acquaintance. If you live in a college town and won’t even date your acquaintances’ exes, you’re not going to be dating anybody.

Username “Just Me” asked, “So, my girlfriend is studying abroad next semester and wants to ‘take a break’ while she’s gone, and it really scares me. How should I approach this??”

NL: Understand that her desire for a break isn’t a masked request for permission to bang every Merlot-swirling Italian Stallion who saunters into her peripheral vision. A great deal of the study abroad experience is just waking up with the idea that your only responsibility is to you and your desire for adventure. (And to go to class, occasionally.)

That adventure isn’t limited to encounters with the opposite sex. I won’t kid you, those are readily available (don’t get me started on crashing European bachelor parties…) but she won’t want to feel obligated to Skype you every day or do other things you have to do in a relationship. That’s nothing to make her feel guilty over, and it’s nothing to cause you concern.

CM: First off, you gotta let yourself CHILL OUT, SON. Don’t let it scare you – the path that your relationship will take is going to happen whether you like it or not.

Her experience abroad will probably be a whole lot better if she’s not tied down to maintaining a long-distance relationship for a semester. IMO, you should agree to the break if she’s serious about not wanting to make that time commitment to your relationship – you’ll both be less miserable.

However you go about it, though, at least be sure that you two come to some sort of understanding before she leaves. Parting on uncertain terms will already make you feel even worse than whatever shittiness you’ll be feeling after she leaves.

Username “hormonal home maker” (great name) asked, “hello. i live with this guy who i’ve been friends with for a few years, and we recently got drunk and made out … oops. but now i kinda want to do other stuff with him, and (oh my), maybe even date him. but we’re stuck living together until may, and i don’t want things to get weird. what should i do?”

NL: Yeah … don’t do that. Things will get weird and you won’t have space to avoid him once it’s awkward, which is going to suck. Things like that happen buuuut if you’re that into him, you can wait until May. And if he doesn’t want to date (or you date and eventually break up,) it’s going to suck for you the first time he brings over another chick because you, like, share a wall. But it’s nothing that a slightly uncomfortable “Soo … That happened … ” kinda talk won’t fix.

CM: Next time you’re all drunk and grab-assy together, screech “DO YOU WANT TO BE MY BOYFRIEND” like a clingy banshee.

Uh, but seriously, that’s a pretty wonky sitch, bruh. I guess it all depends on how your friend feels about it. Letting the situation fester and become awkward is not the best tactic, though. Be proactive (don’t act like a banshee). Talk with him about where he stands and if you can’t reach an agreement then you’d best leave it alone – I’ve heard tell of situations just like these getting painfully awkward really easily.

Thanks again for stoppin’ by, and don’t forget to send us your sleazy questions this week! You never know who else might have questions about their inappropriate bipartisan Obama/Romney fantasies as “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” blares in the background.

Yeah, we missed the election — had to get that one in.

As usual, leave us your questions in the comments below, email Conor at cmorris40@gmail.com, or send us a cake with your problems written out on top in swirly icing. We prefer chocolate. 

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One thought on “Speaksleazy: Sloppy seconds, ‘slutty’ abroad and sexy roommates

  1. I have the bad habit for falling for older guys. (Usual age range being upwards of 8-13 years older) I’m twenty-two years old but a lot of my friends think that it is strange for me to be attracted to guys that potentially graduated high school the year I started kindergarten. Do you think that at my age it’s acceptable to be interested in someone who was around 30? Or am I still “too young” for age to be “nothin’ but a numba”?

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