Please Don’t Suck: 2013 movies that look iffy

Will "Beautiful Creatures" be beautiful or, uh, creature-y? Photo from EW.

Will “Beautiful Creatures” be beautiful or, uh, creature-y? Photo from EW.

As you may have seen in our previous ENT post about our obsessions for 2013, there’s a lot that we can definitely look forward to this year. On the other hand, there are also a lot of films that could go either way on the quality scale.

We aren’t ones to actively hope a movie is bad, but bad movies are a dime a dozen, and any premise can go sour in the wrong hands. So let’s all take a chill pill and examine some of the more well-hyped but questionable 2013 releases.

“Beautiful Creatures” | February 14

Hmm … an angsty supernatural teen love story based on a bestselling YA novel, set in a small town where one of the two teens is hiding a dark secret? Oh, crap. It’s “Twilight” with witches (oh, sorry, “Casters”) instead of vampires, isn’t it? And it’s set in the Deep South, too, so there is likely to be some “True Blood” pilfering and ugly stereotypes. Whoopee.

Wait a minute, Jeremy Irons and Viola Davis are in this? And Emma Thompson gets to be a hammy villainess? There also seems to be an actual plot in the foreground this time, sort of a “choose your own fate” thing shrouded in magical history… and it’s focused on the girl for once? Maybe this won’t be so bad after all. At the very least, it could make for some cheesy fun. Those two lead actors sure do look dull, though. They better not ruin the silly.

“Man of Steel” | June 14

"Man of Steel" could be super great, or super not great. Photo from MOS official website.

“Man of Steel” could be super great, or super not great. Photo from MOS official website.

After the disaster called “Superman Returns,” there was much scrambling about trying to think of ways to reboot the franchise and undo the damage. Luckily, one rather well-respected creative team stepped up to the plate: Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer, a.k.a. the minds behind “The Dark Knight Trilogy.” Nolan is producing the film, and Goyer wrote the script, aiming to make Superman relevant for the modern era. In addition, there’s a great supporting cast, including Amy Adams as Lois Lane and Michael Shannon as Zod.

The bad news? The director is Zack Snyder. Yes, THAT Zack Snyder. The one who perpetrated the bloated, braindead “300,” hacked “Watchmen” to bits and birthed “Sucker Punch,” one of the most juvenile, sexist, self-congratulating and downright awful films in recent memory. That does not bode well. Also, the leading man, Henry Cavill, has proven himself to be little more than a muscular cipher in past roles. Let’s hope this one turns out to be more than the sum of its parts.

“Pacific Rim” | July 12

Really? Another giant robot/giant monster/giant whatever movie? Were “Bayformers” and its wretched, awful sequels not enough for the world? Ugh. You Hollywood filmmakers and your big, dumb action movies, cynically pandering to the lowest common denominator. So. Much. Hate.

Hold the phone, Guillermo Del Toro is directing? The “Hellboy” guy? That seems rather promising. Industrial Light and Magic will be doing the effects, too? Color us curious. And Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Ron Perlman and Charlie Day are starring, so the cast looks capable of producing some decent work. What really got our attention is that the voice actress for GLaDOS in “Portal” will be doing a similar role in this, which will at least give us some good snark bait. “Cake and grief counseling will be available at the end of the movie.”

“Frozen” | November 27

Possible Disney classic? Or just "Tangled 2.0"? Photo from Beyond Hollywood.

Possible Disney classic? Or just “Tangled 2.0”? Photo from Beyond Hollywood.

If nothing else, Disney knows how to keep us on edge — while not really taking risks at the same time. Their next big project is an adaptation of the Hans Christian Andersen story “The Snow Queen,” or at least they say it is. The film’s plot does involve a snow queen, but it seems to be more of a road trip musical adventure a la “Tangled” than the deeply religious morality play of the fairy tale. That doesn’t sound like a terrible idea in and of itself, but given that the character designs for the leads look suspiciously similar to Rapunzel and Flynn from “Tangled” . . . yeah. We might be in for a disappointing re-hash.

On the other hand, the talent behind the film looks to be quite impressive. Director Chris Buck has directed the surprisingly good  “Surf’s Up” and “Tarzan,” and also did work on “The Fox and the Hound.” Kristen Bell of “Veronica Mars” fame plays Anna, the lead. Idina Menzel (ELPHABA!) plays Elsa the Snow Queen, and Jonathan Groff from “Spring Awakening” plays Kristoff, Anna’s sidekick. And they’ll all be singing! Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson Lopez (“The Book of Mormon” and “Avenue Q”) wrote the songs, so we can expect them to be funny and perceptive. Hopefully.

So what movies are YOU worried about this year? Tell us in the comments or on Twitter!


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