Have you ever tried to find a Valentine’s Day card that doesn’t suck? It’s impossible. Every one of ’em says a bunch of mushy crap aimed at a very specific target audience of old people who are super sentimental about how they’ve somehow managed to not murder each other after 33 years of marriage.
And that’s just lovely. But you’re 20, and you haven’t been married for an absurd amount of time. Hell, the last legitimate date you went on was two years ago, and you didn’t even want to, but the guy was like 25 so you knew he’d pay for it AND buy you a beer, so whatever.
Where are the cards for the 20-somethings who are either A) terrified of any deep emotions that might result in a commitment past “what Big Mamma’s burrito will I order tonight” or B) numb from the absurd (though, impressive) amount of alcohol you’ve managed to consume over the last four years (hours) and are incapable of even comprehending those deep emotions exist? Since when are horny 18 to 24 year olds NOT the target demo? We deserve some stupid Valentine’s Day cards to throw at people we want to sleep with, too!
I decided to fix that, my dear Bobcats. If any of these get you laid, you’re welcome.