Speaksleazy: Valentines that don’t suck

speaksleazy banner

Have you ever tried to find a Valentine’s Day card that doesn’t suck? It’s impossible. Every one of ’em says a bunch of mushy crap aimed at a very specific target audience of old people who are super sentimental about how they’ve somehow managed to not murder each other after 33 years of marriage.

And that’s just lovely. But you’re 20, and you haven’t been married for an absurd amount of time. Hell, the last legitimate date you went on was two years ago, and you didn’t even want to, but the guy was like 25 so you knew he’d pay for it AND buy you a beer, so whatever.

Where are the cards for the 20-somethings who are either A) terrified of any deep emotions that might result in a commitment  past “what Big Mamma’s burrito will I order tonight” or B) numb from the absurd (though, impressive) amount of alcohol you’ve managed to consume over the last four years (hours) and are incapable of even comprehending those deep emotions exist? Since when are horny 18 to 24 year olds NOT the target demo? We deserve some stupid Valentine’s Day cards to throw at people we want to sleep with, too!

I decided to fix that, my dear Bobcats. If any of these get you laid, you’re welcome.


Speaksleazy sunset

 Hills speaksleazy

Speaksleazy klondike

Speakeasy palmer

Speaksleazy hearts

Speaksleazy tuition

Speaksleazy pope

Speaksleazy heart

Speakeasy loans


 Seriously, if any of these get you laid, tweet @SpeakeasyMag and let us know.

One thought on “Speaksleazy: Valentines that don’t suck

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s