Thanksgiving, a holiday centered around gratitude, family and food. What more could a Bobcat ask for? Not much. There is, however, plenty a Bobcat would definitely not ask for.
Check out the “Shitsgiving Nightmare” five of your fellow bobcats concocted this holiday season!
1. “Sobriety,” said Tara Joyce, a sophomore.
Because if you’re not guzzling beer while you’re stuffing yourself full of the good bird, then you’re definitely doing it wrong.
2. “My grandma’s teeth falling out in the stuffin’, ” said Rob Kerr, a junior studying media arts and studies.
Imagine the horror of biting into a steaming, fluffy forkful of stuffing only to bite down on grandma’s not-so-pearly-whites. Mmm, dentures.
3. “Tofurky,” said John Griffith, a freshman studying photojournalism.
A solid turkey alternative for our fervent foul-saving enthusiasts but a dinner straight from the seventh ring of Hell for everyone else.
4. “Everyone I’ve ever f***ed is sitting at the dinner table,” said Bailey Collins, a sophomore studying social work.
What a splendid way to spend Thanksgiving dinner! Maybe instead of going around the dinner table sharing what you’re thankful for, you can compare penis size and count orgasms! On second thought, maybe not…
5. Everyone my mom has ever f***ed is sitting at the dinner table,” said Sarah Bird, a sophomore studying wildlife and conservation biology.
There is nothing more horrifying than seeing your mother’s “little black book” come alive to feast with all your closest family and friends. Things might get a little weird for Dad (and Uncle Rufus)…
And on that alarming note, here’s wishing you all a happy, safe and healthy Thanksgiving!
Has your Thanksgiving turned into Shitsgiving? Let us know on Twitter! Tweet @speakeasymag your most sickening Shitsgiving nightmares. #BobcatShitsgiving2014