Picture this: it’s 11:30 p.m. on a Saturday and you’re out gallivanting at your favorite uptown spot. Singing, dancing and sipping on your drink of choice (alcoholic or not), you feel like nothing can ruin this perfect girls night out—until he strikes. With hazy-eyes and a haughty attitude, he saunters over to sell you the biggest pile of bologna—himself.
Rarely successful, usually obnoxious, the catcall has been purred around bars, nightclubs and construction sites for generations. While most agree that any sort of pickup line is—well—repulsive, some are so utterly insulting and pathetic that you question ever leaving your house in the first place.
Here is a list of 10 lines that felt more like a spit in the face rather than game being spit.
1. “We don’t have to do anything. We can just cuddle.”
Ugh. *Initiate vomiting* Thank you for allowing me a choice in whether or not we have sex. How thoughtful of you to regard me as an actual human being with thoughts and opinions and feelings.
2. “Not to sound cocky, but I know I’m attractive.”
Men who have the nerve to say this out loud probably also flex in the mirror after each bicep curl. Unless you can handle a life of polygamy (you, him and his ego), I would run far, far away from this pompous player.
3. “Oh come on! No one is watching.”
Yes, because every woman dreams her man will make her feel like a disobedient child. If you chastise your bar-cutie for saying no, I guarantee you will never hear the word “yes.”
4. “Do you like (insert skin color here) guys?”
I wish I were kidding, folks. I have actually been asked whether or not I am attracted to someone based off of the color of their skin. How very 1940s of you.
5. “You look like you could use a shot.”
Why? Because I am sober enough to realize I’m not interested in you?
6. “So I have a futon…”
It’s a sad day in society when a boy tries to seduce a girl by implying she doesn’t even deserve his bed. Instead, he offers an old, salsa-stained, communal futon to her. Can you hear the wedding bells?
7. “You’re the hottest girl in this bar.”
Hmm, I wonder what the girl I saw suctioned to your face 10 minutes ago would think about that.
8. “Hey, don’t I know you…?”
No. You don’t. You know this. I know this. Please do not insult my intelligence by pretending you do.
9. “I don’t normally like brunettes, but you’re pretty cute.”
Ah, the carefully crafted but always offensive backhanded compliment. This is essentially equivalent to an “Eh—you’ll do.”
10. “Netflix and chill?”
At last, we have reached the king, the granddaddy, the Great Bambino of horrible, skin-crawling lines college students cast in the hopes of catching a little tail. Whether sent via text message or whispered in her ear, somehow a phrase that implies no watching of Netflix or chilling will be happening is used constantly.
So Bobcats, steer clear of the corny pick up lines that are getting you nowhere. A little genuine conversation may be all it will take to find someone to share with the sheets and maybe some 2 a.m. french fries.