“Shameless” season nine review by Payton Szymczak

Obviously, you have not been able to find time to watch the new season, since you were so busy…as Frank Gallagher would usually say. Hopefully, you did not forget everything about season eight because it was truly a game changer for the Gallagher family, and their poor choices caused even worse mistakes to come in season nine. 

Starting off with Fiona, the devoted custody holder of her never-ending sibling chain, who may have become a little not-so-devoted this past season. After being dumped by her drug addict fiancé at the altar, she decided that something might need a change. She bought a laundromat from a senile ninety year old, Etta, who beat up unfortunate strangers and pitifully allowed Frank to sleep in her apartment upstairs. Soon Fiona was convinced to sell the laundromat, place Etta in a nursing home, finally, and invest herself into the purchase of an apartment complex. Her complex housed hopeless, elderly lunatics who refused to pay their stay, moms with nineteen children who also refused to pay their stay and eventually an ungrateful family who raided Fiona’s home. Eventually, she met her new boyfriend, Ford, who ended up having a wife and kid with another woman, she lost almost all of her money, having to find a job at the Valero gas station and she got fired at Patsy’s diner because she showed up intoxicated to work everyday. Needless to say, Fiona began to fall apart, but once she earned her money back, she decided she wanted to move towards the equator…the weather in Chicago just really was not doing it for her, apparently. 

Next in the slew of Gallaghers, Lip, the twenty-three year old heart-throb, has attempted to take one for the team and turn his life around. Unlike the way it was in his wild teenage outlaw phase, it somehow flipped to another end, and women of no species seemed to care about him anymore. His professor Helene left him, his co-worker Sierra went back with her delusional boyfriend who impregnated another woman and the biker lady who pops up out of nowhere here-and-there said she would slug him if he ever asked her to breakfast again…so you see it has been a trend. After rehab from his alcoholic stage, paid off by his best friend Professor Youens, he met a lot of life-long pals that were twice his age. A lot of you probably wondered why he did not associate himself with anyone under forty, and that is completely normal for you to feel that way. The thought cannot be avoided–it just cannot. Anyways he became sober, Professor Youens died in prison, he confesses to Sierra that all he wants is to be with her yet he is not quite sure how he feels and all he craves is alcohol. But once he became a sponsor for alcohol and drug addicts, he finally saw the light for himself, finding a woman in a closet during a respectable wedding, Tami, with whom he is now having a baby with. 

Turning the corner to the next Gallgher, Ian has been making his mark on the entire Southside area. After his life was saved by a strikingly intriguing firefighter, Ian decided it was his calling. He trained to become one of them, basically conquered his bipolarism and finally scored his firefighter boyfriend, Caleb, when his ex, Mickey, went to jail for attempting to murder someone. Caleb was a short-lived experience because Ian found a new boyfriend…again. Soon, Mickey escaped prison and fled to Mexico dressed as a woman, and Ian moved on with his life alongside his new love, Trevor. Ian and Trevor started protesting at churches during times when parents would force their children to allow church leaders to attempt to make them straight. Ian became loved by the community and more, and helped kids everywhere to be themselves and to not get sucked into their parents’ beliefs. Although he did blow up a vehicle, he has been making a beautiful message. In the best words possible, Ian is thriving…well until he got caught and ended up receiving prison time. He was obviously not proud of the fact that he was getting locked up, but a huge surprise was waiting for him prior to his arrival–Mickey. Mickey purposely made sure that he and Ian would be living in the same cell, so basically the two lads are living happily ever after in prison. 

The next dysfunctional Gallagher, Debbie, has taken her life and her baby named after her father’s life (for who knows why), to the next level. As a sixteen-year-old, high school drop-out, single mother, she has managed to not only financially support her beloved daughter, but also bug the living crap out of the entire community. It was no secret that Fiona was about to lose her mind, perhaps on purpose, whenever Debbie showed her face in a public or even a private situation. Somehow as the season went on, she finally got it together and learned to be a good mother, and a tolerable human being. Unfortunately, Frank had to amputate her purple toes on the kitchen table due to an injury, but other than that, she’s thriving. She also started dating a woman, and she ended up falling in love with Carl’s girlfriend, Kassidi. As complicated as Debbie is, she is truly living a fulfilling lifestyle. 

You all did not see it coming, but Carl may be the most head-straight Gallagher. After pulling through his high-school delinquent phase, he decided to go to military school until he was sent home when Monica, his mom, that none of the Gallaghers saw for about seven years, died. All summer he worked hard to save money to go back to school by chaining up drug addicts in his basement and waiting impatiently for the victim’s parents to pay him boatloads of money. Not only did he cure the poor souls, but he seeked the love of his life, Kassidi. In fact he married her, and then she handcuffed him to his bed so he could not go back to military school. He escaped eventually, and Kassidi chased his bus while everyone else was wondering why he even dated her in the first place. His next biggest worry was the divorce until one of his military school friends killed her. From that point, he met his new love, Kelly, from a West Point ball. After she dumped him, he also got rejected from West Point, and now he is working at a fast food restaurant. 

As for Frank, the drug addict father of all of the Gallaghers, life has really been looking brighter for him. He helped immigrants escape to Canada, he scored a job at a garden store and he met the woman he would soon raise septuplets with…until she went back with her ex-husband, Randy. Frank somehow managed to create a better relationship with most of his children, especially Liam, the five year old prodigy who decided to move in with a religious fifteen year old kid…totally not a Gallagher thing to do. Up until the very last episode, Frank was thriving right before he got cut in the leg and now faces a six month recovery. The process sounds difficult, but he enjoys pestering his family, constantly begging for more oxy and beer. 

Kevin and Veronica, the Gallagher’s family friends that own The Alibi bar, were simply thankful that he would not be paying them any visits for the next few months. All in all, everyone was pretty grateful that Frank is temporarily unavailable for any more damage. 

The ending of season nine was quite predictable, and everyone is sweating anxiously to see whether or not Fiona will return in the next season to come. 

Promotional picture courtesy of Wikimedia.

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